Russian Roulette

Russian roulette.. I don't know what it means? I guess you all also don't know anything about these two word. Unless for those who are Rihanna's fans, maybe you will know. First you may think it's not a nice song but after you listening to it few times, you'll think it's a nice song, is the best for you if you're moody.

It's Rihanna new song, I just heard it from radio and I thought this song is best describe my emo mood this recently. Rihanna new song gives me a sense of sadness, I think it relates to her life now. All the song she sings because of Chris Brown? It could be..

Anyway, it's a nice song to me. When I was hearing it, my soul and mind can follow the song and sink into it. It's better to let me fall into paradise with this song 'Russian Roulette'. Rihanna, you did a good job, you're not only come out a nice song, your song make me feel better, it's like I can really rely on it and throw everything into it with its kind of music, I no need worry anything anymore.

Anyway, Rihanna, we all know you're not going very well all this time. Support you, don't give up. I believe you have the strength to live your life. You can write a new song whenever you feel down and you can let your fans to hear a nice song again.

So, here's is the 'Russian Roulette' by Rihanna.




Lyrics of Russian Roulette

Take a breath, take it deep
"Calm yourself," he says to me
If you play, you play for keeps
Take the gun, and count to three
I'm sweating now, moving slow
No time to think, my turn to go

And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
Said I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving
I know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

Say a prayer to yourself
He says, "Close your eyes, sometimes it helps"
And then I get a scary thought
That he's here means he's never lost

And you can see my heart beating
Oh, you can see it through my chest
Said I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving
Know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

As my life flashes before my eyes
I'm wondering will I ever see another sunrise?
So many won't get the chance to say goodbye
But it's too late to think of the value of my life

And you can see my heart beating
Oh, you can see it through my chest
Said I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving, no
Know that I must pass this test

You can see my heart beating
Oh, you can see it through my chest
I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving, no
Know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

The meaning of Russian Roulette:
1.A stunt in which one spins the cylinder of a revolver loaded with only one bullet, aims the muzzle at one's head, and pulls the trigger.

2.An act of reckless bravado.


This song make me think Rihanna is treating her life as using a gun which can end her life at any time. She's terrified but she's not leaving, know that she must pass this test so just pull the trigger and "BOOM".

I hope you guys will like this song. Concentrate while listening to it, close your eyes in which enable the sound of the song flows into your mind. Finally, try to understand and appreciate it. Besides, also try to feel the sadness and terrify that felt by her as well.



Russian Roulette.. It's time to put you down.. I will not pull the trigger..

It Hurts.. Losing faith on you..

It'd been a long time I didn't blog. I suddenly have the urge to blog right now because a feeling of pain is piercing through my heart. It hurts me a lot, I don't know what can I do? I don't have friends to share with anymore, what I can do is just blog, thanks to blogger for providing me a space to express my feeling. I could say friends around me are in halfway walking out of my life. Okay, except for some will still talk with me, try to understand my condition this recently. Pain pain pain.. Hurt hurt hurt..

Even I saw you on-the-line now, I can't do anything. I already step out the first step try to connect with you but you still stay the same, so callous to me. Why why why? This time really much more worse than last time, at least you will find me at last but this time... You give the thought that you'll never find me again, you will never need my help again, NEVER WILL! You tell me please, I beg you, tell me the reason you don't want to talk to me again. Is it anyone behind you ask you break the friendship between you and me? Is it like this? You tell me.. You tell me okay.. Now, I found that you off-the-line already, you didn't even reply me one word, even nudge me also don't have, then you just leave like that. Don't you think you're too heartless? I used to it already.. Your every attitude, I used to it. So, no matter how, I will wait.. Wait until the day you find back me.. Wait until the end of the day.

You on-the-line again, still remain the same situation. I'm so disappointed on you, you really forget me is it? All the way to here, did you really just treat me as normal friend who you need to help you out then everything will be fine. All of you must be chatting now right? All together online, chatting happily there. How good it is... Jesus, can You help me to ask her to answer me or not? As I continue seeing you are right there in which that I can't have a chance to connect with you, that's the most sad feeling for me. So far so far until you are in another world, I can't talk to you anymore.

How long? How long I have to wait? Wait until you think you need my help then find me. But not too long okay..? You will find me.. You will.. You will.. Tell me, you will right? Since the day we lost contact, I didn't even live properly, not happy at all.. My previous of me is like live happily everyday, no worries at all. But not now anymore. I live with the lives of losing of hope, losing faith, dreaming, wishing, hoping. My life.. Not a life I want anymore.

Fortunately there's books which can help out my emotions. They can temporary fill my mind with them without thinking of those useless affairs. At least they can replace my mind with happiness and a kind of feeling that I want for, which can bring back a life that I wanted. I like to go to shopping mall which has bookstore, only there where I can find back the feeling and life I want. At the moment I step in the bookstore, I found that something I love to stick with is back to me, looking and finding for the novels I love, it helps me a lot on my mood, it can count as the 'booster' of my mood. Maybe I could try to stay at there for the whole day so that I'm always happy at the very moment. So, I should buy more novels and often go to bookstore to boost myself. That's the only way I can do.

I should put the end for this post until here, all right. It's just an express of my feeling and emotions. If you feel want to read then welcome you.

Wait for my next post...
Thanks...

Not Until The Day...

It had been 2 months,
You have not contact with me yet.
By now, I already missed you like hell.
I want to know your recent life,
I also do not have the chance.
Should I tell myself that 'I should think the good way'?
Instead of thinking of those negative way OR am I think too over?
I really don't want to know.
I had always try to keep in touch with you but I did not get any response.
You don't want to tell me what had happening on you,
At least someone or either which way can tell me the answer.
Last night dream of you again.
It's another sweet sweet dream of you and me.
Is it anything wrong with me that make you so cold to me?
I just want explanation, when can I know?
You know, I will never blame you for whatever you've done.
I ever think that if I would die in front of you, will you response to me?
Or you will say sorry to me at that very last moment.
I would say that's too late and you'll regret.
I will still let the last previous moment last between both of us.
You may not know how important you are to me.
Maybe I just have to remind myself that this is just normal condition,
No contact then no contact, who cares.
That's right, who cares, is just for those who don't care about friendship.
Maybe I'm too sensitive or over, sorry okay.
I will try not to think or feel anything which happen around me.
This way is better for me but can I do it?
But I really miss you so much, how?
Everyday I am waiting for your message,
Keep telling myself that you'll find me one day, YOU WILL RIGHT?
I don't want friends become familiar strangers.
I know when really don't want then don't want.
Don't know you ever treat me as your best friend?
But why you will find me when you are moody?
You can't trust me to keep your secret, then don't tell me.
You give me cold shoulder, okay.
I will survive on your cold shoulder, I try.
If can't then I will collapse.
I know already, maybe I should cause something serious happen to me.
I tell you I am dying, then I can meet you.
There's no further conversation between us, not anymore.
There's no further caring between both of us, not anymore.
Sometimes you're so near to me but I can't feel the true friendship.
The distance between us is increasing day by day.
SO far until I can't feel you're around me.
Can you give me the chance to share your everything with me?
Friends are suppose like this but you just not same.
You like to keep it yourself.
Why? You tell me why..
You fear that I can't keep it is it?
You owe me so much.
That day you said you want to tell me,
Because you can see that I really want to know about it,
I can feel that you really want to tell me already,
But you didn't tell me at the end.
After that day you said the matter is over, don't talk about it.
After that day...
After that day, you seldom find me anymore.
After that day, I start keep on finding you and you didn't response to me.
Until one day, you said me that I was ruining of everything.
You want to settle your mood then tell me at first, how could I know?
You said is over then why still no mood?
Is it another matter that make you don't like to entertain people?
I know I know...
It must be reason you don't want to find me.
Everything happens must have its reason.
IT MUST BE, IT MUST BE!!!
Well, I will always waiting for you until you find me eventually.



I miss you so so much, my dear friend...
*PERHAPS* *PERHAPS ONE DAY*

Emptiness.. Useless.. Meaningless.. Lifeless..

As usual, I have to update my blog. Well, my current life.. I don't know how to describe, the title is the description of my life though, it should be okay. I just very fed up of my life sometimes. I already tired of uni life and I just want holiday to reach faster. With this long holiday, I'll no need worry about uni things and in another way I can also have time to relax and do whatever I think will help out in my mood. My life will not become like this if you do not treat me like this, if not you, I guess I will be fine.


Sometimes I think too much or over-looking on some issue, I should admit here. But this kind of thinking is just because you're important to me that make me care so I may act like this. I tell you, you also can't feel it as I just read a sentence in my novel,'Someone may tell you how hot is the sun, sure you know it's hot but you may not know how hot it is until you really touch it with your own hands, you just realise that how hot it is that your friend told you. Same theory, I told people I feel so moody, what they can do is just stay happy or whatever encourage words, they never feel it never know.


This recently I really feel very empty. I never feel this way that long in my life, is you, who turn me into like this. You guys may see me smile all the way but actually my internal is not feel that way. Fortunately, presentation is over today, at least cut down my stress.


Desktop publishing major assignment, help me!! It is the hardest assignment compared to first 2 assignment. I haven't started yet and I don't feel like doing it but I also have to do finish it at last, right? SO, I should start planning the assignment as soon as possible.


Time passed very fast, my 2nd semester of uni is almost finish. I think just left few weeks to go. Final exam is around the corner and I hope I can get better results compared to last term, sure, this is everyone's dream. I do hope I can get only HD and D for better self-improvement and also can show it to my mum to see how intelligent exactly her daughter is. Haha... That part was too proud. LOL...


Well, I only know my current life is not as good as lastime. I feel like I will never heal the inner part of me, unless you find me back and be my best best friend once again. If not, I'll always stay in this way. I think you also won't response if you happen to see my blog. However, I still hoping I can change you into a friend who I expect, really hope that I can be your only best friend.

I tend to understand more about you but seems like you don't give me a chance to know more about you. Actually, as myself say I treat you as my best friend but I never ever really know what had happened to you and everything about you, I don't know at all.I only know I should try my best to help you if you need my help, I only can do until this stage. I really don't know how to read your mind and you always so cold to me. It's enough, I surrender okay..? Sometimes I admire you, you know what I admire for? Your determination on something, let say if you don't want reply me then will never reply me. Your cold-blooded attitude, how good it feels? I wish I can change into this kind of attitude. I no need think others how they think or feel, can't feel anything and so I no need care for anyone. As what my other friend told me, you not easily distracted by others around you, I always message you so many times, you feel nothing I guess and never think of replying me, how good it was..?

Friend, I am counting every single day until the day you exactly find me not in any purpose. How long will it last? You know I miss you so much until almost every night I dream of you. You know felt so bad every time I woke up because I already know it's just a dream. Whether it was a sweet dream or bad dream of you, it just return one result to me-UPSET. I would say, just let it be. :(

I think I should stop writing at this very hour, it's late already. I have to get to sleep after this.


Good Night,
All my friends.

It's Another Month...

It's October and time passed really fast, I knew I had not been post since quite a long time. How to describe my recently life? I'm not sure and dislike to bring it out. However, I also have to tell some of my feeling here. A simple description of my life-boring, empty, lonely, upset, sad, moody and many more, as long as is a negative mood.


Last Tuesday went to KL and just went back here on Friday night. I would say this trip to KL helped me a lot on my mood. Well, not really a lot, just helped a little bit out. I ever told myself I must use this good opportunity to leave behind those unhappy thoughts which still in my mind until now. I and my family and other relatives all went to KL and had the chance to stay at my cousin's new house in Shah Alam. I quite enjoyed this trip but it's kinda tired and exhausted when shopping all day long until the legs so painful, still forced the legs to walk. I could say when I was in KL, I really do not have time to put the mind on you so I was quite happy with this kind of situation. When that night I came back here and I directly dreamed of you that night I sleep, what could I say more? I just reached my hometown then direct dream of you in a really good night sleep, can Jesus tell me why? I didn't even dream of you in KL but just came back the place with all the memories, then you just came into my dream like that and last night I dream of you as well. I tell you, I will get mad soon.


Anyway, I bought something I'm always loving, that's it- Casio watch and novel. I bought my favourite watch last minute while waiting the van came to pick us up at IOI Mall to airport. I bought novel from Popular at Sunway Pyramid, that is 'The Waitress'. Actually I wanted to buy the little black dress book but eventually decided to buy this novel bacause not only the title caught my attention but also the description of the story but I still love the little black dress books anyway, that's why it says'Because every girl needs one'. This recently I really become very addicted to novels and I will buy any book I like without hesitate. Why? I want to ask myself, lastime I was not that crazy in buying novels. I knew the reason, maybe is my current mood. Because I feel really empty and bored of my life every and every day without you this friend accompany me. So, I think what can really heal me temporary are NOVELS, they're not only accompany me but will at least make me feel a little bit better. It can feel the empty space in deep inside of my soul. Thank God, sometimes I got work to do to keep me busy to forget it a while, if not then I will read novel so I have to take the novel in my hand at most of the time. I think this is kind of sickness already, have to buy many many novel to fill up the empty in my heart so that it's full.


Have been 1 month 4 days you didn't really contact me. You won't find me anymore. You won't message with me anymore. You won't find me when you feel boring anymore. You won't like before treat me as your best friend. Everything everything and everything, not anymore. I am counting every day that you didn't message me, counting like mad person. You treat me like that, why I still want to treat you as my best friend? I don't know... Could it because of you always stay like a true best friend in my heart? Could I just let you go this friend? Could i just treat you as normal friend from now on? Can I don't expect anything from you that like other best frineds will do anymore? Can I do it? I don't think so... I can say that my soul also know how important you are to me.. If not, I will not dream of you almost every night. Everytime I dream of you, it's a sweet dream but it will not happen in real life. Maybe our friendship is always not that good all these times. However, I always put you as my best best friend in my heart that nobody can replace. No matter you do, you will always the best for me. No matter you want to tell me, I will just listen to it. I WILL, my friend...


Talk about university life, tired and bored with it already. Assignments and coming exam. Sick of it and don't think of continuing it. However, I also have to work hard and tell myself this semester will be finish very soon. Then, I can enjoy a long holiday. Anyway, I also have to move forward and forward.


I think I just post util here for this time. I got to sleep soon and wake up early tomorrow. I don't know what a sweet dream or beautiful nightmare will appear tonight again...


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By Karen

Te Amo Te Amo... I love You I love You...

Yea, I like this blog post, the title sounds cool and somekind of other language. Who out there already listen to this song? It is the song- Te Amo by Rihanna. I bet everyone will love it after listening to it because she sing a different song, not only different but it had the own meaning lies in it.


Thinking back that when the 1st time Hitz fm played this song, it sounds weird to me and I knew it was not English language but other "Don't know what" language. At that time, I only heard what Rihanna sang.... Te Amo Te Amo Te Amo... This word also sounds not really clear to me and the only thought came into my mind is just ' Owh, this time Rihanna is singing different language song, not bad huh'.


Until these recent days, I was hearing it on Hitz fm. Suddenly, it happened to be a kind of feeeling to me that I eventually realised how nice and awesome was this song... Rihanna, you're perfect singer. You even can use this word 'Te Amo', just a simple yet meaningful word to catch people attention. I think everyone just need to hear the word-Te Amo Te Amo Te Amo, no need further to hear what other lyrics are you singing. However, when until the time people who love this song, they will want to know the whole lyrics. Rihanna, your song is sing for a girl. You let us guess what you really want to mean in this song instead of just te amo te amo te amo, right?





Well, Te Amo is actually Spanish language which means I Love You. How I wish I can say Te Amo to my loved one. Te Amo, my love. It sounds different and kinda romantic.



Te Amo, Te Amo...
She says to me, I hear the pain in her voice...
Then we danced underneath the Candelabra, she takes the lead.
That's when I saw it in her eyes, it's over...
Then she says te amo the she puts her hand around my waist...
I told her no...
She cries te amo, I told her I'm not gonna run away but let me go...
My soul is crying, without asking why...
I said te amo, wouldn't somebody tell me what she said...
Don't it means I love you...
Think it means I love you...
Don't it means I love you...


Lan, last night I suddenly dream of you. Actually I didn't even see you in the dream. I just like noticed you had read my blog and pop out your name, things like that. I also don't know why I dream of you? That's make me think of you again. I don't want it to repeat in my mind. But anyway, Lan I really ever very into you. You can see that, I even didn't fall for a guy after I give up you. I suddenly felt want to say... Lan, Te Amo...

Sweet Dream of You & Me?

Could it be a sweet dream of you and me, my dear friend? Yea, is always be a sweet dream of you and me. I did dream of you last night, my friend. I think was due to over-missing you so I dream of you last night. You know or not? Everytime I dream of you and me, had always been so sweet in the dream. You know?? We were different in the dream from real life. That's also true, so stupid I am. Did anyone ever said what we dream is same as real life? No... That's mean what I dream about us will never happen in real life. I just can enjoy the moment we're together in the dream. Really really very sweet...



We're such very close friends. We're always together wherever we go and I always hold you. I always thought that's true when I was in the dream but when I woke up then realized what I had dream is just a DREAM.



My friend, can you contact or just reply me? Have been one week you didn't response to anything I had sent to you. Why Why Why??? Is it you don't know how to answer me? If it is like that, you also have to tell me you don't know how to answer. Or you angry of me? I don't know at all... Don't let me guess out so many useless thing and make me think of doing something silly. I won't blame you for not replying me anymore, I WILL NOT. Instead, I began to worry about you more and more. Anything happen?? I think of rushing to your house now, see whether you're in a good condition or not? I don't know what I should do... I almost break down already.


You heartless already is it? You want me to send you how many messages? I can't stand anymore, my friend. You're my best friend so I want to know everything about you. I think I write until my blog full, you also won't see it. I also don't know when will you see all of these.



Well, I miss you very much... I am counting the days until you find me...



So, I had listen to Sweet Dream by Beyonce. It's a nice song which I like it so much. Then, I just post this song out here to suite my title. We should have our sweet dream always.





Beyonce's sound in this song extraordinary and her sound suites this song. I just put up the lyrics with the song. The video is too... Well...


MY DEAR FRIEND, I will see until when you eventually find me. I hope not until I'm mad or dying... I'm so lonely without you accompany me. Where have you been? You want me asked radio DJ say out your name and teeling you I'm finding for you? I don't what can I do...


Hopeless, useless and heartless... :(